Doctor, Doctor, Give me the news!

I don’t know if anyone is even paying attention anymore but the BBC pulled the plug on Doctor Who thankfully. The show has been a pale imitation of what it was ever since Jenna Coleman left the series. I for one was not crazy about Peter Capaldi’s doctor. In all honesty since the relaunch? Matt Smith was my fave, there wasn’t a bad note in any of those series and he’s follow by Eccleston and then Tennant which likely surprises a lot of people.

Smith had this great chemistry first with Arthur Darvill and Karen Gillan and then with Jenna Coleman. I mean there are episodes that leave me in tears. They’re beautiful, they’re dramatic and they tug at my heart strings. I think some of the best episodes were made with Smith’s doctor, The Impossible Astronaut, A Good Man Goes to War, Let’s Kill Hitler, The Girl Who Waited are just great episodes to watch. Then you have Asylum of the Daleks which is really heartbreaking and The Name of the Doctor which is one of the best episodes ever.

It had gone downhill after The Name of the Doctor and never matched it.

Peter Capaldi was bad, Jodi Whitaker was worse and then Ncuti Gatwa was the final nail in the coffin. Mind you, NONE of those folks are bad actors, they’re just not but the trapping of the stories around them just continued to go downhill as story became secondary to pushing an agenda.

I’ve seen people say that Doctor Who shouldn’t be considered what it was which was a show that was geared towards family watching and children and I have to wonder, WHY NOT?!?!

I mean, what’s wrong with making an entertaining show like that? What’s wrong with leaving your agenda at the door and writing things that can be true to the source material and make people happy.

What’s great is that you had people who called the folks who weren’t happy with the direction the Doctor Who franchise was taking all sorts of names. All the while the ratings just kept dropping and dropping. Some people just don’t learn.

And the critical drinker sums it up once more.

So they’ve been running this commercial…

I actually like the commercial where a guy is asking his ‘devices’ to do things and they just keep getting it wrong or ignoring him. It helps that they’ve got one of the most kick ass songs of the seventies playing under it even if it isn’t the artist and just a cover. I keep thinking how lucky I am to have gone through two really great musical periods both in the 70s and the 90s. It’s not that I’m dissing the 60s which for me was one of big AM radio but I was a kid for much of that and as a kid you listen to the things and the radio that other people put on. The 80’s had a couple of years in the middle where things were in flux.

Getting back to the original thing though… one of my favorite bands did a cover of this star’s songs, Take Me To The River which is a great cover of a great song and the song is STILL AS FUCKING GOOD as it was when it was first released and I defy people to show me anything that comes close to matching it today:

The incredible Al Green!

The things I’ve forgotten.

Okay, maybe not forgotten so much as put them aside only to come back and rediscover them and feel joy at the rediscovery.

I have this project I keep procrastinating about for the blog and I find myself dabbling at time doing research for it. In the course of my travels I came across this and really it’s just amazing. The sad thing about this is that such a creative person was battling the very thing that made him so amazingly creative… himself.

We see this across history, it’s really gruesome. The other, the outsider, the feeling of being alone that allows someone to have an ability to take a look at the world around them and capture something many feel but can’t put into words. The thing that’s horrible that this person didn’t understand is just how many other people felt like he did and he really wasn’t alone at all.

So, I ask you to watch this and take in the beauty of it. There’s a simplicity that is absent from a lot but the simplicity here only manages to clearly display the strength of the music and the message:

The raw quality of his voice and the emotion that comes through is just stunning. Mind you… 139 days after this performance, this man would eat a shotgun killing himself. How sad is that? He was in pain and he felt that nothing could help him, he turned to drugs and still the emptiness inside of him was doing its best to swallow him whole.

This is very similar to depression, the hopelessness that seems all consuming and what’s horrible is what didn’t happen. People around him DID love him. People around him DID want to help him. People though have a problem with mental illness though, as if it were contagious, as if it were something the person could just FIX!

Here is what Cobain left behind, again… in my book I honestly wished he had held out longer and gotten the right kind of help but that help likely would have meant taking quite a long break from the thing that was his world, his band and his music. I wish he had taken the time out to step back because he likely had a lot more to give the world. I just want to say as someone who has dealt with this kind of a struggle my entire life that if you are suffering in this way, go out and find someone… a professional to talk to. Read about what’s going on inside of you and work on your own inner voice and thought processes. It never really goes away but you can at least make it so you don’t feel as if you are inundated by the high tide and drowning.

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I havent felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example when were back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins It doesnt affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I cant fool you, any one of you. It simply isnt fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if im having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. Ive tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but its not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when theyre gone. Im too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, Ive had a much better appreciation for all the people Ive known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. Theres good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why dont you just enjoy it? I dont know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I cant stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that Ive become.

I have it good, very good, and Im grateful, but since the age of seven, Ive become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. Im too much of an erratic, moody baby! I dont have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out than to fade away.

peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, Ill be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! 

 

I’ve got to hand it to the Critical Drinker…

There’s right and then there’s TOTALLY RIGHT!

This is funny.

I will say this, I did watch Starfleet Academy during the period of time that I did have access to Paramount Plus. I mean there was no reason NOT to watch it.

The thing was, it took place in the shithole mess that was left by Discovery. Discovery is, was and will ever be the turd of all Star Trek shows to ever be foisted on the fanbase. Nothing that anyone can say will change me of that opinion. Apparently Paramount is trying to wipe the stink off themselves…

Well, I’m once again trying to clean out some drafts.

I don’t know but it seems lately a lot of the big companies haven’t been able to get things right when it comes to classic properties whether it be Star Trek or Star Wars or Marvel. The problem usually is that someone, somewhere along the line, gets it into their hand that they have to mess with something to make it more ‘equitable.’

This happened recently in House of the Dragon where suddenly there is a Corlys Velaryon is cast along DEI lines. Whenever I see this, it strikes me as being the same thing that happened in the old Charlie Chan movies where a White Guy was playing a Chinese detective. Neither really is right so can we stop it?

I got to thinking about it… back in the nineties they had this show. In the show there was a transgender character. It wasn’t a big deal at all back then and we’re talking about way back in 1993 when the show started!

HOW COULD THAT BE?!?!?!

But, it’s true. The lead character was Black and it didn’t even make a ripple.

See, what happened here was that all of this was done not because boxes needed to be ticked off, not because they needed to have a ‘Black actor’ or a ‘trans person’ but because within the mythology of the universe the story was set in none of this was forced and story was what was driving it.

It turned out to be much better than any of the dreck we have today and better still, some of the shows they ran at the time dealt with issues so seamlessly and so well without putting the ‘show’ of checking of boxes that no one even thought of it being all that outrageous.

The show I’m talking about actually is one of my favorite shows ever and that’s Deep Space Nine.

People today think when you write or produce a TV show you should be ‘inclusive’ and the truth is you really shouldn’t. You should just write a good story and when they cast they should cast along the original intent of the story. Deep Space Nine was great not because it checked boxes but because it had fully developed characters and still dealt with issues the way Star Trek does when it’s at its best.

I would suggest anyone who doesn’t believe me go and take a look at this episode of the show and tell me that any of the shows where they do ‘inclusive’ casting does a better job at dealing with issues:

FAR BEYOND THE STARS

What the fuck happened?

I’ve been off the last few days which has been nice and has given me some time to do things. Even though I’ve been futzing a little with work stuff, I haven’t let it occupy me so much and I’m just doing it at my leisure.

Since I’ve been off, I’ve been out more. My normal routine is to shutter myself inside because since I work remotely there really is no need to go out all that much. The flip side of that is simply that I’m living check to check. I’ve got a goal for myself but to reach that goal I have to live a certain way. Things come along that can break my budget and I’m not all that keen on digging myself into a hole.

So, I don’t really go out much at all because it seems like every time I step out my door I wind up spending $100. Even if I’m just running errands… WHOOOSH!… $100 dollars (minimum) is gone. Thursday, I set up a bunch of MD appointments and there was a period in between appointments where it didn’t make sense to drive back home (gas is expensive these days) so I wanted to find a place where I could just get breakfast.

I found a spot and it was a decent enough place but just having an omelet set me back $24 bucks including the tip!!!! Egg prices were high but they’ve gone down, I imagine that restaurants were able to justify raising prices on anything eggs but of course they don’t REDUCE those prices when their costs return to what they once were.

The omelet was okay but for the price, I expect the waitress to put a bib on me, sit on my lap and feed me my omelet! (sexist I know)

Between that and the $55 dollar co-pay on the office visit plus some minor things BOOM! ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!!

Friday, I went to see the Mandalorian and Grogu. This might be the first movie I’ve seen in a theater since I went last year to go and see Superman or the Fantastic Four.

Again, I’m cheap though… going to a movie these days is ridiculously expensive!

I went to the 3D/Imax/Laser showing of the thing… if I’m going to see something in a theater I want it to be better than if I saw it on my TV at home.

So, I get a senior citizen discount (which is like $1! Big whoop there!) and I have these movie passes I bought some time ago so I used another one of those and the cost of the ticket was about $12. This is not bad really, I mean it’s still $12 but not as expensive as it could be. In the theater, I saw people with their kids and the popcorn and the whole deal and suddenly I realized that between the tickets and the refreshments that was over a $100 easy. Not a cheap day out.

The other thing I do is I go to the supermarket and buy my candy there and bring it in. I’m one of those people, yes. So, I bought a couple of things in with me and that set me back another $10 but at least it was less expensive than if I bought it in the theater.

Afterward, I treated myself to takeout… BOOM there went another $50.

Saturday, I just laid low but today, I had made plans with a friend to go to a convention so I could submit some books for CGC grading. I don’t even want to talk about what that’s costing me and I feel like a dope and am afraid as to whether or not I’ll even recoup the money I’m laying out here. Nothing I have is minty mint but we’ll see what happens once everything is graded. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I scrambled to pull and get things ready, met my friend and realized we were a week off on the date!

So we went for breakfast in a diner and BOOM another $20 omelet!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!

I’m seriously afraid I’ve developed into the kind of curmudgeonly older person who balks at the price of everything but it looks more and more that that is what I’m becoming. It’s so hard to save and get ahead and way too easy to watch money fly out of one’s pocket! 

 

Honestly…

I’ve been too busy or is it too lethargic lately to get all that much done. The house just continues to fall into a deeper state of disrepair and the outside as we approach the summer begins to look overgrown and wild.

Work is starting to pick up again although I have to say I find myself reluctant to dive into the deep end of the pool. Plus, in all honestly they bought on another inexperienced person for me to work with on the project, this now makes the third new person in as many projects. This one seems to be a real pip too as I had sent her an email and she decided somehow to read the email publicly in a meeting since she hadn’t read it before… I can’t say I’ve ever seen someone do something like that and it felt a bit like a violation but it told me a lot about her moving forward. Let’s just say I won’t be going out of my way for this person and now that I understand the dynamic I’ll be sure to act in kind.

The other factor is some medical stuff… I spent the day the other day full up on doctor appointments since I took some time off leading into the long weekend. One was supposed to be an appointment with a nurse practitioner which seems totally unnecessary and only adds to the confusion as the doctor is pushing you off on someone else. If anything the last time I saw a nurse practitioner it really was a waste and I forgot how much so that was the case so I didn’t make a stink this time but then the NP in question cancelled at the last minute and I wrote back to the doctor I just want to schedule the test and see him afterward.

I’m not wasting more money unnecessarily.

The other doctor I saw was a pulmonologist for cough, they wanted me to get a chest x-ray afterward and that was an adventure in and of itself since I went down to the department, located in the same building and while the people were out to lunch, I waited and when they came back they finally put out a sign up sheet. I waited and waited some more and finally after 20 minutes (not counting the 15 or so I had already waited) went up and asked how much longer it would be. The woman (who appeared to have a bit of an attitude) said five minutes and when five minutes came and went I went up and told her I was leaving. I complained about it and got a call back so we’ll see where that goes but I still need to get the chest x-ray.

In the meantime the other appointment I had was a bit of a non-starter as well because the thing I was going about turned out to be something I really didn’t have to bother with unless it bothered me so much I could have ambulatory surgery on it and about the only thing I was hoping for was an in-office procedure.

So nix on that.

Other big news was swapping out a new monitor for the old on the computer and getting a replacement back for the aeron chair I have. Not like there aren’t a ton of other things to do around here but those two things got done and lots and lots and lots of cooking.

I was looking around the library website for something and they have a bunch of books they throw up on the landing page. One of the books was a new David Sedaris book which I’d likely read and they had a few others as well which caused me to go to the Wikipedia page for Sedaris to see a list of his books in order and to figure out what I may have read and what I hadn’t.

The page mentioned his sister’s suicide which led me to an article in the New Yorker which I would suggest reading. It reminded me of a friend’s family and she lives down in the Raleigh area too so there was even that much more of a connection and I forwarded the link to her. I don’t talk to her much anymore, she’s changed. It’s sad the way she’s changed but I guess we all develop hard edges over time.

None of us lives for others so as long as she’s happy I guess that’s really all that matters.

Read the Sedaris thing though… it’s worth it:

Now We Are Five By David Sedaris October 21, 2013

I can’t explain.

I don’t know how to describe it but it seems that energy is in short supply these days. Work is gearing up again and I’m just not at all motivated to tell the truth. Once again they’ve paired me up with an inexperienced person who also apparently wants to drive.

I hate to say it but I feel like I’m just running out the clock now.

I have a contract that is supposed to run to the end of the year but from past experience I know that any contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on since they cut me loose in the middle of one two years ago. The company I work for doesn’t really seem all that interested in making me a regular full timer or even considering me for any other roles.

Being on a contract is a bit of a good thing because I don’t have to go through the bullshit review business that regular employers are forced to endure where people write down their goals for the coming year.

This is akin to punishing your employees… you hired people and now you are forcing them to come up with reason to justify their continued employment? I mean what an absolute bit of corporate torment that is.

So, what are your goals for the coming year?

At the six month check-in…

So what is your progress in achieving your stated goals?

Like my only goal is to do my job and collect a fucking paycheck! What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!! I’m lucky in that I dodge shit like that, they did it the first year I was there and that was something of a depressing insult when the manager I reported to clearly had a mental image of me that bore no relationship to what I was actually doing. Better still was that it was one of those things that downplayed why the project I was on was a success and kept me from other roles in the company.

Yeah, I can pass on that.

But again, the thing is I just haven’t had a lot of energy and I’m not getting things done the way I need to.

I had to have a scan for the follow up on the whole toe thing and there were some things in the scan that they want me to go for another scan in a few months just to follow up on. It could be nothing but then it could be something too.

I looked at the report and dissected it.

Nothing was odd really and when I did speak to the doctor she just reinforced the research I had done. Yet, I’ve had a cough for a while not that I can’t explain and I just don’t know if it’s Covid or something else.

So, there’s that. Is it age?

Well it could be.

I can see a point where I’m not working though. This contract runs out I just don’t know if they’ll re up me. I don’t trust them to do it. It won’t be easy finding work either, I can tell you that so there’s a big question of how I’ll manage to survive and that’s always lingering around in the background.

I’ve been there… honestly, I’ve been to that place where money is in short supply and you’re choosing whether you are going to have lunch or dinner but it won’t be both. It wasn’t fun or pretty and it’s a hard place to be because there’s the knowledge that no one will swoop in and make everything better. I learned that back then and it colored everything that happened since.

It tore away all the artifice and genteel trappings of the world around me and my relationships with people. More likely than not it wasn’t a positive thing overall.

All I know is that summer is almost here and I really want to enjoy it…